Thursday, August 21, 2008
Thursday, August 14, 2008
the dedicatory imposition
all of this, with joy, grief, curiosity, pleasure, indigestion, infinity, measure, acne, blubber, ecstasy, failure, regression, photosynthesis, ennui, hyperactivity, litterbox-blues, excess, exaltation, mortality, more than you asked for, but what isn't,
is for you.
is for you.
Monday, August 11, 2008
how it was
when i was a small kid, my mother spoke to me the way she would speak to an adult. very direct, and strict, too. i asked her about it this winter, and she said 'i talked to you that way because you understood everything." i didn't though! she thought i did. i asked her if she knew i could read before going to school and she said 'i saw that the kid could read, it didn't matter how or when, it just mattered that you could read. so, on to the next thing," and she really made sense to me, she stopped seeming so tough and appeared very sensible. it seems better then to not pay special attention to the kid if they are one way or another. it made me think my mother was so kind in a different way, you know? like she would love a child who was self-taught the same way she would love a child who needed a lot of help, because the point isn't who is good at what, but just that you love the person.
that's the whole point of everything! that's what we've got! everything is tough all the time, just being is tough. one time there was a lecture where a woman stood up and in front of over a hundred people, abandoned her notes and broke into tears, saying that she did not understand love and she alone was unlovable. and the audience was confused and did not want to have any of it. it wasn't that they were incapable of sympathy for the woman, but that everyone feels like that, and love is hard for all people! not just her! that is why when people choose good things and when something amazing happens, it really counts for so much.
when i was in school, my favourite stuff was by kierkegaard, because he was all about faith - you have to believe in stuff in and of itself, even when it is most impossible and not in style, there is some truth in you (the feeling we call a 'heart'), and that feeling is what you've got to go on. he was talking about religion, but i took it to mean the things that i felt that seemed impossible, but somehow they felt very true to me. he is not ancient, but definitely olden. holy, imagine kierkegaard now.
now for ancient for real: heraclitis, a greek man, who said that the only thing you can count on in the world and in life is change and flux, so get into it. this is tricky! humans want things to count on something....so, i guess you count on something and then when it changes, you can at least know that the crap-attack way you feel will also change...
yuuuh! hi guys! i am sitting on the stairs in my apartment to get this signal! guys, hi! today i fell asleep in the day and it did not end! now i feel a feeling that is lightly floaty and dreamy but also somehow stuck. like the scenes in the Shawshank Redemption when they are out in the courtyard. my head feels like that right now.
what is this, what do you think about anything, how does it go.....
hey, when everyone is away, does the computer screen turn out to look at you?
answer: no.
that's the whole point of everything! that's what we've got! everything is tough all the time, just being is tough. one time there was a lecture where a woman stood up and in front of over a hundred people, abandoned her notes and broke into tears, saying that she did not understand love and she alone was unlovable. and the audience was confused and did not want to have any of it. it wasn't that they were incapable of sympathy for the woman, but that everyone feels like that, and love is hard for all people! not just her! that is why when people choose good things and when something amazing happens, it really counts for so much.
when i was in school, my favourite stuff was by kierkegaard, because he was all about faith - you have to believe in stuff in and of itself, even when it is most impossible and not in style, there is some truth in you (the feeling we call a 'heart'), and that feeling is what you've got to go on. he was talking about religion, but i took it to mean the things that i felt that seemed impossible, but somehow they felt very true to me. he is not ancient, but definitely olden. holy, imagine kierkegaard now.
now for ancient for real: heraclitis, a greek man, who said that the only thing you can count on in the world and in life is change and flux, so get into it. this is tricky! humans want things to count on something....so, i guess you count on something and then when it changes, you can at least know that the crap-attack way you feel will also change...
yuuuh! hi guys! i am sitting on the stairs in my apartment to get this signal! guys, hi! today i fell asleep in the day and it did not end! now i feel a feeling that is lightly floaty and dreamy but also somehow stuck. like the scenes in the Shawshank Redemption when they are out in the courtyard. my head feels like that right now.
what is this, what do you think about anything, how does it go.....
hey, when everyone is away, does the computer screen turn out to look at you?
answer: no.
oh not, not this.
Fruit flies are all over the place.
So are fruit fly maggots.
Less bad than housefly (traditional-dog-dung and garbage-can-fly) maggots, but still.
Banana?
Don't think about it! Don't think it! Don't look for them! Don't make a chocolate cake and leave it in the cupboard! More like landfill cake. What about your bowl of fruit? Like the look of that cherry? Like the brown spots on it where it has become a ready incubator for guess who? Piece of french fry with vinegar marinade suffocating like a fertile salmon aching to procreate in springtime on your counter and who is buzzing around its sorry self but a fruit fly! Put some beautiful peaches together and they too will become very popular - GUESS WHY
NO!
Instead, have you had this drink? You can make just very regular peppermint tea, then put it in the fridge with some lime. It is very refreshing. Tastes very nice, try some honey in there, even. Delish.
MAGGOT - MY LIFE
Inside my egg, I have some fear and anticipatory excitement (<---- redundant oh well) about my new life ahead. My future siblings and I are nestled together
here in the brown spot of this nectarine. Might I add, what an apt name for such a sunny fruit. Nectarissima would fit too, but is too decorated and undermines the simple, beautiful flesh of this ripe tawny thing. Ah.
Now I have hatched and I feel like I could really lay into this sticky mother, you know? I just want to eat. If I had eyes it would be too bad, because they would be closed so I would not be distracted from my opus of eating. I am oozing enzymes from my tiny, writhing form to liquify this fruit and I am going to suck suck suck it into me and keep on sucking. If you get my inference (i am into this fruit).
Grown rough and ready, I can form a sturdy chitinous shell as my new, pupa-self and go through an adolescence. Now I will develop eyes, wings, limbs and a mouth, seen as undulating points of darkness under my glossy, translucent surface, readers remember themselves what it was like when a pituitary gets pumping. My body is really rolling. I will be ready to spawn, just as soon as I get these sea legs out and then oh no.
(etc etc etc you get the point i am trying to find a way to not find this terrible but i think it is an evolutionary point and i should just understand that it is unappealing and it is ok to not feel immediate love as my reaction to the fruit fly maggot, anyhow.)
So are fruit fly maggots.
Less bad than housefly (traditional-dog-dung and garbage-can-fly) maggots, but still.
Banana?
Don't think about it! Don't think it! Don't look for them! Don't make a chocolate cake and leave it in the cupboard! More like landfill cake. What about your bowl of fruit? Like the look of that cherry? Like the brown spots on it where it has become a ready incubator for guess who? Piece of french fry with vinegar marinade suffocating like a fertile salmon aching to procreate in springtime on your counter and who is buzzing around its sorry self but a fruit fly! Put some beautiful peaches together and they too will become very popular - GUESS WHY
NO!
Instead, have you had this drink? You can make just very regular peppermint tea, then put it in the fridge with some lime. It is very refreshing. Tastes very nice, try some honey in there, even. Delish.
MAGGOT - MY LIFE
Inside my egg, I have some fear and anticipatory excitement (<---- redundant oh well) about my new life ahead. My future siblings and I are nestled together
here in the brown spot of this nectarine. Might I add, what an apt name for such a sunny fruit. Nectarissima would fit too, but is too decorated and undermines the simple, beautiful flesh of this ripe tawny thing. Ah.
Now I have hatched and I feel like I could really lay into this sticky mother, you know? I just want to eat. If I had eyes it would be too bad, because they would be closed so I would not be distracted from my opus of eating. I am oozing enzymes from my tiny, writhing form to liquify this fruit and I am going to suck suck suck it into me and keep on sucking. If you get my inference (i am into this fruit).
Grown rough and ready, I can form a sturdy chitinous shell as my new, pupa-self and go through an adolescence. Now I will develop eyes, wings, limbs and a mouth, seen as undulating points of darkness under my glossy, translucent surface, readers remember themselves what it was like when a pituitary gets pumping. My body is really rolling. I will be ready to spawn, just as soon as I get these sea legs out and then oh no.
(etc etc etc you get the point i am trying to find a way to not find this terrible but i think it is an evolutionary point and i should just understand that it is unappealing and it is ok to not feel immediate love as my reaction to the fruit fly maggot, anyhow.)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)